It is no news that children would always want to behave like children and as such they anger their parents. Although that is not our focus for today. We are walking through thoughts on parents.

It is noteworthy that my writings spring out of personal experiences and the experiences of people close to me. This is not to point at anyone, but to emphasize the seriousness of our engagements here (my writings, your readings, questions, and comments). So, let’s get back in line before we lose it(😂)

Sometimes parents hurt their children such that the pain/hurt negatively affects their relationship with their children.

When the child begins to react to the hurt/pain, we blame them. We conclude that they are somewhat bad children who are unappreciative of parental efforts. We fail to realize that these children may have repressed memories that play out later in life. Psychoanalysis explains that there are certain traumatic experiences that our conscious minds cannot retain, therefore, they are buried and tucked away in our unconscious. These are therefore memories that have been pushed down into the unconscious without your control and are hidden in your mind and pops up later in your journey of life.

One important question remains, is it possible to forget terrible experiences such as being sexually abused? being brutally beaten? Among others The answer is Yes (depending on the circumstances) This is due to the existing relationship between childhood trauma and amnesia which could give room for repressed memories.

On a lighter note, I just love what the Bible says in Ephesians 6:1-4:

“After three verses dedicated to how children should obey parents, one verse is given specifically for fathers. As the head of the household, the father is charged with ultimate responsibility for the way the children are raised. In practice, this instruction is meant for both parents, and would have been understood that way by Paul’s readers. Fathers are commanded not to agitate or irritate their children. The Greek word is parorgizete, which implies exasperation or frustration. In practice, this means avoiding unfair and cruel behavior, or blatant favoritism. Godly fathers are not to push their children toward anger. Anger can sometimes be a healthy emotion yet can often lead to sin (Ephesians 4:26). Instead, fathers (parents) are given a positive command to “bring them up.” In other words, Christians are expected to be highly involved in raising their own children. Two areas are mentioned. First, Paul includes discipline. Discipline involved learning self–control and the ability to restrain from personal desires in order to do what is right. Second, Paul adds the “instruction of the Lord.” We should be involved in teaching our children about God’s ways through both education and example.” (https://www.bibleref.com/Ephesians/6/Ephesians-6-4.html.  Accessed July 15, 2020.)

It is also noteworthy that your parents do not hate/dislike you, it is just their supposed right way of training you. No one is blaming you for your traumatic responses. Healing is a process; the onus is on you to heal on your own pace.

Yes, healing from childhood trauma is not impossible. It is only difficult.

What then is childhood trauma?

Childhood trauma is caused by any situation in which a child perceives that they are in an extremely frightening, dangerous or overwhelming position. (https://medium.com/lady-vivra/healing-from-childhood-trauma-7f5b979a2631  Accessed July 15, 2020)

Childhood trauma ranges from physical abuse, physical neglect, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, loss of a caregiver, emotional neglect, to natural disasters.

Ways to heal from childhood Trauma

              1.           Distance yourself from toxic people.

              2.           Seek help from professionals

              3.           Learn self-regulation and stress-reduction techniques.

              4.           Allow yourself to get close to people.

The above are only a few of the different ways to heal.

NB: The above is a response to my wanting to engage with my beautiful readers. Please feel free to post your comments, ask questions, like, and share. I look forward to more insightful interactions. Remember that for Tobi Oloyede, the pen is always mightier and with her pen she speaks louder.