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Your feelings are yours and yours alone. I like to call them idiosyncratic. There are so many of us who like to blame others for our problems or even some of us who like to think that we are responsible for every problem in the world. As empathetic or sympathetic as that may seem depending on whichever one you fall into, it is never in your line of duty to take responsibility for another’s feeling or even make others take responsibility for yours (narcissism). This is where setting boundaries come to play. I do not mean physical fences, but rather invisible ones like the air we breathe.

No doubt, setting boundaries for some of us is a demanding task, but they remain essential for our safety and well-being. A licensed marriage and family therapist, Jenn Kennedy maintains that “boundaries are limits that give a sense of agency (control) over one’s physical space, body, and feelings.” Remember, even the most jovial person has limits, and this is none other than boundaries (you push a thing or a person to an extent that when it gets to the walls, it reacts-limit).

Setting boundaries is about taking charge and there is nothing you cannot put within boundaries:

• Thoughts and emotions
• Possessions
• Personal/physical space
• Energy
• Time (among other)
• Frienships/relationships

It is noteworthy that emotional space touches on everything. For instance, if you do not set physical space boundaries or boundaries for your possessions, when misused or disrespected by others, you keep quiet and fight the battle with your feelings. You become angry emotionally. Sometimes we tend to attach with people such that any little misunderstanding costs you your inner peace. Also, having emotional space is not always about others, it is about you as this is the space you create for yourself in order to step back and first reflect, then realign your actions and thoughts. The emotional space thingy is difficult, if you are good at it kudos, if not, you can be. It helps check your actions, inactions, and words.

In setting your boundaries you must:

• Know your rights
• Know your values
• Understand what your instinct tells you

There is also the place of confidence in setting boundaries and you do this confidently by:

• Safeguarding your space
• Learning to say no (can be difficult though especially to people pleasers)
• Being assertive, not aggressive. Know how, where, and when to use the “I” pronoun.

BOUNDARIES BREED RESPECT AND ALLOWS FOR SELF-LOVE.

Be Firm.