Take charge of your life, it starts from within you.

It is much easy for us to make changes to things that we see physically like our weight, shape, hair, face, among others, than to those things we feel or basically cannot touch. You might want to criticize that position, but we always have options to change things we see physically or things outside of us. Predominantly, when we think about change, it never comes naturally to think about starting from within, rather, we think about things around us/environment. We mostly hold the position that until things around us become different, only then can we feel better.

Without mincing words, that is the very perspective that debars us from taking the necessary steps or even making the needed changes to living a happy life. As opposed to blaming the world/environment around us, we can take actions by asking ourselves the pertinent questions; “Why do I keep doing the things I do?” “In what ways are my actions, thoughts, inactions perpetuating my life?” “How am I contributing to the world around me?” “Why do I keep doing the same things that leave me unhappy?”

I have come to the conclusion that life will continue to serve you similar situations until you retrospect and do something different from within.  I know you are wondering what exactly it is I want to address regarding emotional independence. By emotional independence, I mean the ability to control your life as well as your stress levels under harsh or adverse circumstances.

Emotional independence is being able to live your life without constantly getting pushed and pulled by your feelings. It is a mental state where you are no longer a slave to your emotions, but instead know how to accept and manage them in a healthy and constructive way.

Changing unamiable behaviors and perceptions and accepting ourselves enable us to find the needed strength to create that inner calm that we require. Emotional independence, therefore, can be referred to as the RESILIENCE that sprouts from within to face whatever situation or circumstance. It is building your sense of self without having to depend on others’ perception of you, who you should be, what you should do, and how you should be it or do it. (This is important because as individuals we mostly think about how others should be and not them being who they are. For instance, a child that keeps complaining of a father who never treats him/her rightly. How about you think that the father is a being on his own and the best he can be is what he is. Note, I am not applauding irresponsibility, but emphasizing letting people just be themselves)

I know that talk is cheap, it is easier said, easier read, easier written than done, but intentional practice goes a long way. Change is constant, yet it is a hectic step to take. How do I become emotionally independent (a few steps, you can add yours as you go)

Practice mindfulness (Pay attention to things)

Take responsibility for your self (Stop blaming others)

Understand your values and goals

Know that your choices make up who you are

Be intentional about knowing yourself through every form of relationship (Family, romantic relationships, friendships and all).